Since splitting up with Ayden, my wonderful family have come
to the rescue, as usual! Although, I’ve not been as upset as I thought I would
be – that’s that resilience thing again! I have a very philosophical outlook on
life in the way that I believe everything happens for a reason and what is
meant to be will be, to quote a few clichés. This outlook probably comes from
the fact that from a young age I had to learn that there are things in life
that you just CANNOT change, so deal with it! So I have taken this situation in
much the same way, but to help me through the lower points I have had my
family. My Giniie, who just sits with me and plots murder using methods from
CSI and Criminal Minds! My Mummy, who just checks up every now and then with a
text or a visit. My Grandy and Grandpa, who provide fish and chips every Friday
and a free babysitting service if I need to go to Sainsburys. My Zoe, who I can
call whenever I need to just to rant and then hear her say EXACTLY the right
thing, every time! And last but not least my Auntie Karen, Leanne, Chelle, Tom
and Abi. Every Thursday they have hosted a games night to keep my mind off
things, give me something to look forward to and just to let me know they are
there, providing lasagne, fajitas, pizza and snacks, along with a selection of
games and hysterical laughing episodes (mainly from me because Chelles taking
the piss out of Gina or Leanne, or Toms rabbiting on about something far too
sophisticated for me to understand so I just laugh and nod, laugh and nod and
he’ll never know!) So to finally link back to my title, it was at one of these
games nights that the subject of serial killers came up.
I think ultimately it boils down to nature and nurture, and
a mix of the two. I think we’re all born with the ability to kill and that
ability is either grown, or crushed depending on your nurture, your upbringing.
This “ability” I talk about is the ability for a 5”0, 8 stone woman to hold a
door shut against a 6”2, 17 stone man’s full power, after having a door slammed
shut on her, when her family is in danger; it is the ability that gives the
strength to some mothers to lift a car that has run over their child; it is the
ability that gives a young girl, who is shaking after being dragged down a
street by her neck, her strength back when she thinks she needs to protect her
dog; it is this ability that could be unearthed after being dormant in
situations like these when it is needed; when you feel like you have nothing
left to give and then something switches and you can suddenly give more than
you ever knew you had in you.
There are actually quite a few situations that could trigger
my “ability,” but they all come down to the same thing, if I needed to protect
someone, family or friend. This ability is definitely not active in me, I feel
remorse if I kill a spider, and I hate spiders! I think it is this remorse that
is missing from serial killers, that gives them the ability to continue to do
what they do.
I find serial killers stories fascinating! I like to know
their motive, their signature, their trigger point, their desired target, and
the “whys” behind it all. BUT it is these things, once they have all been
discovered, that then lead to the arrest. So I think if I was going to be a
serial killer I would make sure that there was no connection between any of the
victims, and I would leave a signature like taking something from the first
victim and leaving it on the second victim etc. (thanks Criminal Minds for that
one!)
I think everyone can have these quite sadistic thoughts, and
at the moment for me every night is one bad dream after the other (thanks to
being pregnant) but to actually follow through with these thoughts is just
something I cannot begin to understand. To want to hurt somebody else who
hasn’t done anything directly to you, but just fits your desired profile, after
a silly trigger point like being rejected by a love object or for a job is
beyond me. Get a grip!
There does tend to be a link between most serial killers, as
far as I’m aware, and that is a bad childhood and low self-esteem. That is not
to say that everyone who has had a bad childhood and now has low self-esteem is
going to end up a serial killer, but most serial killers seem to have that in
common. I suppose another factor in becoming a serial killer is what you are
exposed to and how desensitised you are to certain things. Obviously something
I could be exposed to over and over again through TV etc, but NEVER become
desensitised to, is car crashes. A couple of days ago I was watching something
that had a car crash in it and it made me think that programmes that show a car
crash should have a warning at the beginning! But then the world would go too
far and everything would end up censored and we would all be wrapped up in
cotton wool, so maybe not. But back to the point, if, as a young child and
throughout your adolescent years, you are exposed to things like stabbings,
shootings and beatings on a regular basis, it will eventually become “normal.”
Which can then relinquish the fact that it is wrong. Obviously life isn’t going
to be all flowers and rainbows, but making the best of a bad situation and
resilience should be taught to all children to prevent (or at least reduce)
these evil people. Because that seems to be what it comes down to – the majority
of serial killers are intelligent people, so it’s not a lack of education, it’s
more a lack of social ability, empathy, resilience and self-esteem.
“Oh woe is me, a girl I liked rejected me 15 years ago, and
then my brother got a better job than me, and then my mum died, and then I got
rejected from 3 jobs, so I know what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna find people who
are happy in a relationship, with a good job and a mum and work in the places I
was rejected from and I’m gonna shoot them so that the world gives me the
recognition I deserve but never had!”
What baffles me is that they often want to be caught, hence
leaving a signature, but they don’t consider that they will just end up with a
prison sentence, often a death sentence, so what’s the point?! You still
haven’t changed any of those things and never will.
I understand more, those that kill out of protection, or
self defence, and those crimes of passion, because there are strong emotions
behind them. But serial killings tend to be random people who are not known to
the killer, just fit a target profile based on whatever warped idea they have
in their head!
So to sum up, I’m really glad I don’t understand people who
get to that point in their life, but it doesn’t stop me from being fascinated
by what must go through their minds when they plan and carry out their
horrendous actions.
