What a weird week!
Since Wednesday my middle bub has been in a massive storm of terrible twos-ness! He calmed down yesterday!
My big boy had a settling in visit at his new pre-school, the one attached to the school he will (hopefully) be going to in September. And he had his last day at his old pre-school, the one he's been at on and off since he was 5 months old!!
My littlest bub has been a bit poorly, full of cold, and therefore really clingy which is unlike him.
One day this week, I can't remember which, the days roll in to one atm, I woke up and was greeted with an online news article about the gofundme page. Ooo exciting! And then not so much because the headline is something I just don't want to read. And then reading the full article was a bit heartbreaking because in my opinion it's not particularly sensitively written and there are bits in it that I didn't say, mum didn't say etc. I posted an update to clarify a few things but others have annoyed me too! Aydens surname was NOT supposed to be printed! I did not say "it's supposed to be the happiest day of your life" (that for me was, and always will be, the birth of my children!) mum did not say "real dad" that phrase really gets to me, because I don't have a real dad and a fake dad! I have a dad, who is not with us in body, but he is still my one and only dad!!!!!! My bridesmaid Leah was the one who had the idea for the page and actually had to convince me and G to set the page up! And finally there was no mention of Nick Coffer and his BBC 3 counties radio show, whose listeners make up such a massive amount of the total donations on the page, during the show we rocketed from £385 to £1400!! And then the donations continued and by the end of that weekend (the show was on a Friday) we had hit and exceeded the target and been offered everything we needed other than the venue (which we do now have!)
After the mirror printed the article, the metro did too and itv news online. Again the headline is awful for us to read! And is factually incorrect! It states that I am having mum walk me down the aisle, this is not, and never was, the case. After my dad died I wanted my uncle to walk me down the aisle as he was the closest thing I had to a dad. But this changed as I got older and his daughter got older. I wouldn't want to take that moment away from my cousin so I went for the next logical person in my mind which is my brother. He is my dads only son and all us 3 are extremely close so that worked for me. My mum walked my sister down the aisle and that worked for her. Mum is walking (or being wheeled) with us down the aisle but in terms of "giving me away" that is my brother. The itv news post received a selection of comments, most lovely ones expressing their support and positive thoughts, but a few were negative. I am not stupid or naive! I knew there would be some who disliked what we were doing, so I expected these comments, just like I expected them on the gofundme page and the gofundme Facebook post. However, that doesn't make reading them any easier. And the little dog syndrome I suffer from means I really want to answer them!!! If they are allowed to express their opinion why am I not allowed to reply?! That is what I will never understand about people who defend the negative comments, they say it's ok for this person to express their opinion but then don't think it's ok for me to express mine in replying to them!!! What?!?!
So instead, I say a few comments and then get told to stop! This is what I need because otherwise I get more and more angry (I was angry crying yesterday after reading one comment and not being able to reply!) so I am going to reply to them on here! 😁
1. I have not asked a single person to donate! Everyone who has donated has done so because they have chosen to click on that donate button!
2. I am so grateful to everyone, the gratefulness flows out of my eyes every time there's a new donation or loving comment or message!
3. In terms of donating the money to cancer research I have a few things to say, and please bear in mind this is my blog and my outlet for the negative feelings I have so that I don't carry them around with me, if you have a negative opinion on this please feel free to express it and I will probably respond with another blog expressing my feelings on your negative feelings 😂 So my response to that is first and foremost, I never gave to cancer research before (other than when I ran/walked the race for life) because I donate when I can to other causes. Guide dogs, wwf, Keech cottage, great ormand street, road victims trust, Millie's trust and anything that jumps out at me at being a good cause in my eyes, so why would I pick that as the charity of my choice now?
Secondly, and this is straight from the heart, fat lot of good cancer research is going to do for me now, in terms of mum! 8-11 months takes us to October-January and I'd rather make amazing memories with mum in that time than take a chance on a few thousand making a big enough difference to cure mum in that time! Peoples donations have also been made with the intention of helping us pay for our wedding, they haven't given that money for anything else, and that includes cancer research!! Everyone who donated after we reached the target was fully aware they were donating more than the target and as far as I'm aware none of those people expect us to donate the money to cancer research!!
Thirdly, I am nearing the end of month off March, where I gave up chocolate and Coke and people sponsored me to do so and the money is going to cancer research. I am also running the muddy fun run with my best friend in July and the money we raise from that will be going to cancer research too. So I'm not not doing anything for cancer research!! Kovu and Romeo also donate 10% of their pocket money every month to cancer research! Me and G are currently learning to knit so that we can knit clothes for the neonatal unit at Bedford because of how much they have helped us with my big bub and my baby bub. Me and Ayden also want to donate a cot to the neonatal unit when we can. And when we are in a position to do so, my sister and I have a little something extra up our sleeve for the staff at the hospital. Me and Ayden will also be setting up a regular donation to a number of charities when we are in a position to do so but at the moment we have 3 young boys to raise and I am on maternity leave!! So we are not in that position right now!! Also the comment that made me cry with anger because I couldn't reply was one very simple sentence from one person that said "wouldn't it be better to give the money to cancer research" and her profile picture was her at her wedding! The main person with the most negative comments profile picture was also her at her wedding!! And my response to them is actually no! Like I've said, fat lot of good that money would be to cancer research now for mum!! The money from your wedding however, may well have been better spent there because you obviously got married before mum was given her diagnosis and they may have been able to find the cure with the money from your weddings!! Did anyone tell you the money for your wedding would have been better spent elsewhere?! I will assume not! So why do they feel they can put a negative spin on people's generosity to us at this totally shitty time!!! I feel like they are taking away the kindness of all these people and that breaks me!
But now I'm done reading the comments from these people and I'm done harbouring on the articles themselves. We're crashing g n js family trip to ikea today (they don't know we're crashing it yet!) and we're going to have a lovely bank holiday Monday!
So again thank you so bloody much to every single one of the people who have donated, offered support, services, items and kind words!!!!! I will never be able to express just how grateful we are!!!
Lots of love xxxx
