My reply to "Life As A Widower"

I was watching the news last night, something I rarely ever do because everything I need to know will eventually end up on Facebook anyway so there's normally no need; and a man was on as a guest because his wife had died after being hit by a car. He was young ish and had a 2 year old son. So I said to Kovu before the interview started that I didn't know how I was going to take this particular news story just to warn him before it started! So the man began explaining why he was there (because he had done a blog called "Life As A Widower" and within 10 days it had 100,000 followers (thats one hundred thousand Gina, just in case you got confused hehe)). So this was fine I understood all the bla bla bit about his blog and the fact that it was his raw emotions and he felt it was helping him by writing it down etc, and then the News Reader said the line that made me switch the channel which was "not only are you dealing with your own grief but how do you then cope with the grief of a 2 year old", and a picture came up of him with his son (cute). The reason for my hasty switch over was the fact that, and I do not mean for this to offend or take any of his grief away from him, I cannot even begin to contemplate what he is going through but, his son is 2. My Mum had a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 4 month old. So he is nothing special. (Again I'm not trying to offend, just stating facts) A 2 year old, although they may miss their Mummy, will eventually, and sooner rather than later, just accept the fact that they are not coming back. A 4 year old may take a little longer, but will still accept that fact, and a 4 month old will never know! So of course he is dealing with his own grief, but what annoyed me was the way the News Reader made out like he was the only person in the whole world to ever have to go through not only his own grief but that of a child's as well. I cannot believe I'm going to say this but back in my day (I mean when I was 4 and my Dad died) there were no organisations to help us out or charities etc. The help and "charity" we got was from our family and friends and the kind people at the Church we attended at the time. There was no counselling offered to help any of us get through it, we just did. I'll say again, I am not trying to take anything away from this man, but I just wanted it noted that he is not the only person that HAS gone through this, IS going through this, and WILL go through this! AND there are plenty of people worse off!! Of course it promoted his blog, which I'm sure was the main reason for the news story, and I will probably have a look at it if I get the chance later, but it did remind me of my blog, which is the best thing to come out of the whole story as far as I'm concerned. The only other thing I will say is that I did agree with one thing he said which was for people to stop trying to be strong in these situations and to be weak! My friends Mum recently passed away, and at her funeral something really got my back up! I overheard someone (an adult, a mother) tell my friend that she needed to be strong. This really annoyed me because it was as if this woman was telling my friend to stop crying, suck it up and be strong so that everyone else didn't feel uncomfortable. Well, my immediate reaction was to give her a cuddle and dismiss what this woman had said by telling my friend to be weak, and break down, cry, scream and do whatever it was SHE wanted to do because we are allowed to, despite what some people say! One piece of advice I will carry with me is something one of my best friends said to me at an extremely difficult time, which was don't be afraid to cry because from the day we are born, crying is sign that we are alive!

I've got a lot of new ideas now for my blog so I'll be updating regularly. Or at least as regularly as Kovu will let me!

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